People of Ayrshire: 'There's nothing worse than not knowing'

My mum believes he is alive somewhere and someone took him in and has been bringing him up as their own. I would like to think that too, but something inside me just thinks that Sandy was abducted and something sinister happened to him. I don’t believe he is still alive, but, either way, we just need to know.  

All these years have passed, but someone must know something.

It was something that never really got spoken about because it affected my mum and dad too much but I got to a certain age and thought I need to take this further.  

That's when I started working with the police to try and find him but it's been a constant fight to keep him in the public eye.  

It's been awful hard over the years, I took unwell and have been off my work with fibromyalgia, which can be brought on by trauma. When I stopped working I was in quite a bad place.

I've had people contacting me and telling me this or that and that they will cooperate with the police, I've had a few fantasists if that's what you want to call them, and that's quite hard.

Not that long ago I had someone contact me from the Czech Republic and they were that convinced that they were Sandy they moved to Scotland, but we got the DNA and it wasn't.  

It is still hard to think what would have become of Sandy. I was only two-years-old when Sandy vanished and so I can’t really remember much about him and people will say, ‘how can you miss someone who was never there?’, but you can, believe me you can.  

I will always wonder what he would have been, would he have had children and grandchildren like me.  

As a family we have all been robbed of so much. It’s very hard for all of us, but especially my mum.

It’s strange because I have always felt guilty. I’m not sure why. I suppose because Sandy disappeared and I didn’t. I question: why him and not me? He could have had the life that I’ve had. So all of that keeps me going and makes me determined to get answers.

When I stopped working I was in quite a bad place and decided to go to counselling, which I had never bothered with before, and I can't believe the difference.  

Last year, I made a promise to myself that it was time for me to have a life instead of feeling guilty or feeling it would have been better if it was me. I've had quite a lot to deal with and taken it on my own shoulders and I need to sort myself out to keep fighting

I don't believe he is alive, but I believe we will find him. I think he is close by to where he went missing. Everyone's locked in their gardens right now and maybe someone is going to dig something up one day, I think if he was found it would be by accident but we need to know.  

I've done everything I can but if anyone knows anything, or if anyone comes across anything please contact police, there's nothing worse than not knowing."

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